Finnick Odair: Never the same
by Allorey Mallark
Summary: Finnick Odair just won the hunger games. Won them for Annie Cresta. He made a promise , that he will come back to her. But will he? Is he the same boy who made that promise to her before he left? Or has the games changed him completly? Read and find out... DISCLAMER! I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM THE HUNGER GAMES! Also this is my first FanFic so bare with me thnx
1. Prolouge

Finnick Odair: Never the same

When I was a kid I always thought, the things that didn't kill you made you stronger. Being in the games made me realize that it was more to the quote then surviving. As a kid my thoughts on this were things you physically survived made you strong. That you weren't weak and you can defend yourself. Never in a million years would I think it would also mean mentally.

The afterthought of killing someone is unbearable, even if it was for your own benefit. The faces never leave you. It takes who you are to know that the innocent children in the games are just as scared as you are. That they are fighting for the same reasons, to go home, to prove they're something worthy of their district, or maybe because they hope they can help stop the sadistic games they fight in.

The children who are carelessly killed in the games are long forgotten, to the Capital people anyway. But it stays with people like me. Victors. People who killed these kids who were just like them, and had a shot of a great future if it weren't for their names that were called out during the reaping's. To know that you killed these people for the Capitols entertainment, so that you could go home.

Every night the faces enter my dreams. Of people I killed personally or people I could have helped but chose not to because it meant me one step closer to coming home. It never leaves you. Almost everything from the games lingers in your mind, memory, even dreams. I guess you could hardly call them dreams; they're nightmares. The pain feels like you're suffocating. Drowning even, like you're under water and you can see the surface but as you try to get there it pulls you down deeper.

They say time will help put me back in the right peace of mind, that I will eventually go back to normal. But the games have changed me entirely. It takes everything you are, your dignity, your mind, even your soul. But I was the one who won. Someone who had the ability to kill all of these children without a single thought. The Capitols creation, one who was brainwashed that these people are…were your enemies. That made me look like a monster that the Capitol created. And all I can think of is when I go back home and see Annie what will she think of me?

Sure we talked about it and how wrong it was before I was chosen, but will she understand that talking about it and actually being in it is different?

I hope. She is the very reason I won. My goal. To come back and make sure that she never has to come into the games and endure what I did. I hate the very thought of her entering the games. I personally would do anything to make sure she is safe even if it means my own death. For her life to replace mine. I'd give her my life so that she could live.

If she died then I wouldn't have a future. My father was taken away and killed when I was merely a young boy growing up learning the ways of fishing. As for my mother… well she died in child birth so I never met her. My dad was my only family I ever knew, until he was killed by the peace keepers. After that I was whisked away to a distant relative. She was kind and generous and I treated her like she was the worst person in the world.

She soon got sick when I was 13 and died when I was 14, the year I was reaped into the Hunger Games. She was my aunt and even though I thought the worst of her I still seemed to miss her when she was gone. That was after I had taught Annie to swim.

Of course I have a lot of friends and admirers but I don't pay much attention to them. Annie has been my best friend since my father died (me being only 9); it was her father who worked closely with him and buried him. Her and her mother had put flowers on his grave and made it memorable. After that I couldn't seem to shake her.

We spent every day at the ocean side. Her and her family was net makers, and I was a fishermen. Well one in the process trying to follow in my father's footsteps. I had no guidance except her father who was as close to a father to me as anything. He wasn't the best fisher but he taught me all he could in his spare time.

I was always in the water. Swimming trying to catch fish for dinner or just cause I was naturally drawn into the water. Annie use to say if I had the choice to id have chosen to live in the water over anything any day. At that time I might have.

Annie grew on me and I started having some sorts of feelings for her. Before that I knew she liked me but I didn't really want to bring that situation up because I liked having her around. She was one of the few people that actually liked me, besides Mags of course but I hadn't met her yet.

I always wondered why she never swam with me but for some reason I never asked. The day I pulled her in where the water was only knee height she acted as if she was going to die. I was only playing around and that's when she told me she didn't know how to swim.

So after I was reaped into the games she came to see me before I was off to the Capital and made into this sex symbol, she said that she loved me. I held her in my arms and she made me promise her that I would come back to her, that I would win for her and be with her. But that was then. And that was when I wasn't some maniac running around killing people screaming Annie's name in my sleep. She probably thinks I'm changed. Although I am but in a way I'm still me.

Now that I won I don't know what it will be like to go home. Will Annie think I'm another crazy person created by the Capitol? Will she even look at me the same? I guess I will find out when I get back. One thing for certain that I won't be the same person that I was when I get back to district four. I'm only 15 and I've seen and done things 15 year olds shouldn't see.

It scares you.


	2. Chapter 1 Waking up

Chapter 1

Waking up

After I had been announced the Victor and carried away by the hover craft, I didn't remember much. All I remember is a needle being thrust into my right forearm, and entering what seemed to be a never ending nightmare episode. Being in a drug enhanced sleep didn't change my reoccurring dreams. It was the same. Just like being in the Games again but more controlled.

Mutts were everywhere. My district partner, lying in the arms of another tribute drenched in her own blood. The careers chasing those that were trying to flee from the bloodbath at the cornucopia. Being one of the few tributes in the 65 annual Hunger Games contained the knowledge of how to swim, this arena was simple and it was almost as if they had a section especially made for me. The arena was huge, almost never ending. A giant circle like a big ant hill, beside a pond, with an island in the middle of the water, under a magnifying glass. The section I thought was for me was the water of course. Mags had told me that they were finishing up some of the arena when the tributes were reaped. After the saw my potential they may have added the water to favor me.

After all, what better than a victor who benefits not only for the games but for the Capitol? I guess the odds were in my favor. My mentor Mags was one of the few people close to the head game makers so she got hints here and there about how the arenas were set up. She didn't exactly tell us because that would give us an advantage but she did hint us on what we should prepare for.

As soon as the gong rang out I sprinted to the cornucopia with ease and got my hands on one of the few things I was pretty handy at, the mace. Just a spiked ball on a chain but it was petty lethal. I didn't see a trident but I wasn't anticipating on hanging around for the blood that was so thoughtfully painted on the grass near the cornucopia. It made me sick to see that. I could smell it over the water and the sweet smelling flowers that were yet so deadly and poisonous.

Mutts running toward me, as I'm running into the islands jungle that promises a new horror that awaits me. As I push through the shrubs ad tangles of vines I see a parachute. A gift from the Capitol. I look around to see if anyone else has entered the horrifying jungle but how could they. I had a good advantage of claiming this spot of the arena. And no doubt they had no idea how to swim. I walk over to get the gift but then all of a sudden it's gone, and that when the real terror starts.

I see Annie crouched down holding something to her heart. With a red sticky substance; flowing freely over her body. Then I realize she's crying out in pain.

"ANNIE!" I scream but it's too late she's already gone I run to her but she's being dragged deeper into the jungle but the Capitol created vines. More mutts I think to myself. How could Annie be here? She wasn't reaped! My worst thought shown right before my eyes has no doubt broken my sanity, and I can already feel the tears pouring down my face.

Then I see my father, all I wanted my whole life was to live up to his name and make him proud. Now there is no promise I would live another day or hour for that matter. I see more blood and look for any sign of wounds that may have been inflicted on him but there is none. He's carrying something smothered in blood. No its Annie!

"Annie!" I yell as I sit up in a white bed. I have no doubt I'm back at the Capitol. I move my hand up to my shirt that is drenched in sweat, pull it off and throw it on the ground. I don't care what these people think. After what I have been through, what THEY put me through, why should I?

I take a shower but I sit in it for a long time pondering my thoughts and dream. The perfect weapon to use against someone like me, take their thoughts and turn them into their worst nightmare. They may think you will just forget about everything that happened in the arena but no matter how much you wish it was true, you can't.

I guess I'm back in the training center because I hear my escort and Mags talking about how this might help the people back in district four. It's not like we didn't get enough before but we had a few people who were struggling.

I push the door open and make my way through the hallway until I'm at the table where my little 'party' awaits me. I'm still kind of sleepy but I guess that was from whatever they put in me to make me sleep so long. I slump into my chair and I know I mustn't cry. Why should the Capitol have the satisfactory that I am not only alive but that they have cut deep into me creating scars that can't go away?

Speaking of which I look down at my body to notice it's smooth and perfect. Not a scratch. Odd I remember open wounds on my arms from my last battle in the arena. The one that determined who was the victor. As I look up I notice Mags and my ridicules escort eyeing me cautiously. Mags looks older, like she hasn't seen sleep in years but she is only 60 something, maybe even late 50's.

She knows what I am going through. She has been through it before and won just as I have. I never really thought of Mags in the Games but I don't want to. Mags is a part of my family and I don't even want to think of what the games did to her, doing to her. Being forced into the games for starters, then after reliving them through other tributes going through the same thing she went through. Helping them, get to know them, and watching them die. I wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemy let alone Mags.

I shudder at the thought and push it away. I don't want to think about the games anymore. If anything I wish I could just forget them completely.

Mags looks at me with her eyes filled with concern. She knows how I feel but not how I will react. She pushes a plate of food in my direction without saying a word. I guess I hadn't noticed before but my stomach was roaring at the smell of food. At first I didn't want to eat it but my hunger instincts took over and I devoured the food within minutes. I looked up pleading for more but I couldn't find my voice. So as a substitute Mags speaks to fill the silence.

"I imagine how you are feeling Finnick. I know, I've been through the same thing". she says in and understanding tone. I guess somewhere between me eating and Mags talking my escort vanished. I don't care she's just another pet the Capitol has formed. I'm glad she left though, because it felt like a huge invasion of privacy. Something that belonged to Mags and I. She wouldn't understand. Instead of her going into the games she watches each year and cheers them on.

My expression must be hard to read because them Mags is telling me that I will be alright. She is comforting me? Why? Shouldn't she be just as mad at the Capitol as I am? But then again it's not like she can do anything about it. So why should she waste her anger on a lost cause?

"Look. You won and there's not much time for reflection and talk about how bad it is" she starts "But I'm guessing you don't really want to talk about that do you?" She asks. I nod my head but I don't dare say a word. I haven't talked yet so I don't know what I will sound like so I stay mute. "Good. We have better things to do then sit around talking about a lost cause." It's almost like she was reading my mind.

She looks at the clock so graciously hanging on the wall that looks so much like the one in the arena that counted down to the start of the Games. A reminder I tell myself. It tells the victors "No matter how hard you try we will NOT let you forget your time in the games. You can't escape this." The Capitols message I think to myself.

I look at the ground then up at Mags. She points out that we have only a few hours until the actual crowning of the victor. I must have been asleep longer than I thought because I always remember a day or two put in between the end of the games and the actual crowning. No wonder I was starving.

"So you should probably know that a lot of people want to meet you. Most of them are girls." She says with caution, waiting for me to catch on. I get it almost as instant as it came out of her mouth. "Now since your only 14 your untouchable… but you can't stay 14 forever now can you?" she speaks with a sigh of relief but also there is a hint of worry in her voice as well.

I know what the Capitol will do to me now that I have won the game. I am attractive and muscular for a 14 year old. Well soon to be 15. Wait! What day is it? I look up at the clock and see the calendar attached with the day glowing so you will know what one is right. The 18th! It can't be only a week ago it was the 30th of July. Well I guess time fly's when you're in the Games. Never the less I'm one step closer to being another piece in the Capitols games. Even though I am out of the arena the games are still playing. It never ends.

Mags must have seen the surprised look on my face and knew exactly what it meant. With one eyebrow raised she looks at me and says "But you're not fourteen anymore are you?" I look at her and shake my head no. "Are you ready for this Finnick?" she asks out of curiosity. I look up and smile, nodding my head. If I can somehow make a deal with the capitol to ensure Annie's safety then this is what I have to do. All Mags can do is to suppress a smile as I end the conversation with one simple sentence that will mean the rest of my future determined. There is Pain in her eyes but she knows that I am doing this for a reason, otherwise I wouldn't agree to it.

"Well, Ladies and Gentlemen let the hunger games continue" The words come out like a death sentence but I have been warned of what I will be getting myself into. And I am ready to take this on.


	3. Chapter 2 Conditions

**Hey guys sorry I haven't been able to update this in a while but only because I have been super busy! Thank you for reading this and I hope you continue! Be sure to let me know what you think? Tell me what you would like to see in the oncoming chapters! Thanks again for reading! It means a lot (:**

Chapter 2

"Conditions"

After I was all dolled up for this new upcoming torcher, I wanted to be alone. Escape reality and go back to before the games, before I was rudely torn away from the love of my life, Annie. I wanted to be with her. I guess I didn't really realize how much I truly loved her until I was taken away. Like I said, I didn't always love her but she grew on me. When I was reaped she was the very first thought that entered my mind. And now all I can think of is this stupid arrangement the 'so thoughtful Capitol' has arranged. Loaning my body out to more sick people, almost like the ones who came up with the vulgar and cruel Hunger games. It's wired though because no one has told me what I already assume. Well yet anyway. Maybe there waiting for when I am what's considered 'of age' to the Capitol. But that would be at least one or two more years and I need to make sure Annie is safe. Or maybe they already know I have guessed what is going to happen and are in fact waiting for me to approach them with my offer.

I walk around examining my quarters looking for a place I can hide, somewhere where they can stop suffocating me. All I want is to be alone, a place where I can just think. I find what I think what could be a nice temporary place to sit for a while. It's a small space behind a huge flower pot, and even though I am stockier and built I think I can manage to squeeze in it. I hadn't really noticed Mags until she made it clear she was watching me.

"I did the exact same thing after I won" she says looking down at me "I remember when I won and all I wanted to do was to get away from it all". She closes her eyes for a while as the memories flood back. "How do you live with it?" I ask interrupting her train of thought. As she opens her eyes again and almost looks as if she is going to start crying. In a faint whisper she says "I don't" And that's all she can say. You don't live with it. I guess it doesn't leave you after the games. "Do you still have the nightmares Mags?" I blurt out, and she looks at me saddened and for a moment I can see the small tear slip from the corner of her eye. She slowly nods her head. I automatically know the question that has been eating away at me for the past few hours I have been awake. The pain is always constant. It is always as fresh as the day it started. It's been years since Mags has been in the games and the way the pain reflects off her face it the same pain shown in me.

Before we can continue my escort bursts through the door and finds me quickly, because with Mags looking down I am an obvious target. She grabs my arm to help me up. "Dear, why are you sitting on the floor? We can't have all those hours of working on you messed up before the crowning." She exclaims. "Now get up quick its bad manners" I look at her in disbelief. Can she seriously think I care anything about manners? I just got out of the games for goodness sake. Then I take her face and notice she is a little anxious… or maybe worried. I turn and look behind her and see two peacekeepers waiting for me. It can't be time to go to the Capitol circle already. I look at the clock and the time reads _6:30 pm_. No I was right I have two more hours to kill before its time to go. My escort looks at me and says "These nice men here are going to take you to the Capitol circle where you will be officially crowned the victor." I start to object but keep my mouth shut. If I want to help Annie I better not make anyone in the Capitol angry. So all I do is nod silently and walk toward them with precaution, an after effect from the games.

The tall peacekeeper looks at me in approval and motions me to enter the waiting elevator. As I walk in I catch a glimpse of Mags. There's not a single emotion on her face and that's when I know what's about to happen. After we stop and get off the elevator they walk me to a room that is guarded by two very large steel doors. Whatever is inside, it was made to stay inside… or maybe to keep _someone_ in.

We go through a series of DNA tests and such before the doors finally open. I stand there in amazement to how beautiful this room is. It reminded me so much of home, the sweet smell of the fresh ocean water. This is the place I was looking for earlier. The place I wanted to escape to. The walls were decorated with nets upon nets that looked too familiar. The pond that was meant to look like a piece of a beach was breath taking, even the table that sat in the middle of the room was dazzling but everything about this room screamed TRAP! The layout was so amazing, but something was off about it. It felt like when you tell a kid to do something and you will give them candy after, but soon they forget the promise and move on to the next new thing.

I do admit it was astonishing but I was cautious and with every step I took walking toward the table. The peacekeepers were right behind me. To make sure I didn't make a run for it I am almost certain because after we were all inside the doors closed automatically. I look around trying to find what truly awaits me until I see him.

President Snow.

He starts to congratulate me on winning the games but we both know why we're here and I am not planning on sitting here for an hour and a half while he sugar coats what he really came to ask me so I just say it before he goes on a thing about the future and such. "There is really no point to sugar coat this, so why don't you go ahead and ask me what you want to ask me. It saves a lot of time then this boring lecture that we both know I will forget everything about in a couple of hours" I blurt out while he was saying something about future and duties or something in that category. He looks at me and smiles. "Yes. That would save time" he says with his signature skin crawling smile. "So I assume you know already know why you are here?" The words come out like venom, and I cringe. "Yes I do and you will be pleased to know I will do what you ask of me without complaint and without disrespect." I spit out at him. He looks at me almost bored. "You're smarter than I thought. But you should know I am not a one to play games…" he starts "Really because you have no problem watching them" As soon as the words come out I want to take them back. I need to know how to control my tongue in these kinds of situations I think to myself. I think seriously about apologizing but decide against it. He should know what he does is wrong. He eyes me cautiously before he speaks again, this time with authority in his voice. He almost sounds annoyed. Well, how could he not be? I just called him out and he isn't use to being talked like that by anyone.

"I can make this easier on you or I can make your life depressing, now which would you choose because I am not in a playing mood! You should also know that I am not amused that you agreed to this, all because you think it can save your girlfriend back at home." There it was the cut that ran so deep in my heart. I longed for her. "Please don't hurt her" I was now pleading. Tears were pouring out of my eyes. I was angry because he was threatening her. Somewhere between me choking and sobs he said "I won't hurt her if you do this. I can make sure her name never gets reaped if you allow me to… loan your body for a great amount of profit. You see you are desirable and people all over the Capitol want to… know what it feels like in your_ presence_" He lingers on the word presence and it takes all I can not to comeback with a smart remark .I stay mute biting my tongue.

"So you want me to sell my body into prostitution?" I ask but not as viciously. "Do not look at it like that it's more like business with the Capitol" He says "But I have… _Conditions_ to this" I stare at him as if I am feeding off his poisoned words. "No one is to know. You do this because you want to and if you tell any living soul then I Promise you I _will_ make your life so miserable you will wish you died in the arena. Are we clear?" I look at him taking in every word he says and before I think too much about it and change my mind I nod yes. I want to scream at this very moment but I am stunned at his words. I feel like a puppet with a thousand strings ready to be pulled in every direction.

My life is about to change and there is nothing I can do to stop it. My life is already determined and if I do anything to disrupt that then Annie will be killed possibly Mags. The people I care about, their life's rest in my hands and I can't risk losing either one of them. Mags maybe old but being in the same predicament what with the games and all I have gotten close to her and very much enjoy her company. She is almost like a grandmother. And Annie, I love her and the only thing I can do to save her and promise her safety is to agree to this. I know I should be thinking about what just happened but all I can think about right now is…

What will Annie think about this? Wait… I can't tell her. That was the deal right? I can't tell a living soul. But I tell Annie everything; this is going to be the toughest thing in the world to keep from her. After all she is the love of my life and ever since we were kids I have never lied to her. I couldn't bare looking in her eyes and lie to her perfect innocent face. She is so guarded from the world and that's all I want. She thinks outside Panam is some perfect world but all that is a fairytale, something that will never exist. And I don't think I have the heart to tell her, I love her so much but I have decided she doesn't need to know.

After all what harm could one little lie do? I mean it won't _kill_ her… will it?


End file.
